Bree's Guidelines for living in Amberground
by psychoticObserver
Summary: Life in Amberground is getting insane, so Aria makes Bree write up some handy rules to help survival in a world of Gaichuu and Aliens. If you don't know Tegami Bachi, don't read. ENJOY!
1. Rules 1 to 20

**HULLO! Once more I'm practicing my skills!**

**These are rules I've done for a fic I'm working on called 'Tegami Bachi Transformed' you should read it if you don't get the characters.**

**Rated T for language and other stuff.**

**I told you I'd do this Mary!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TB. Seriously. But I really want to…**

**Guidelines for living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 1#: Never, ever under ANY circumstances steal or eat my cheesecake

(Lag insisted on having this as rule one)

(I have no idea why)

(Connor learnt the hard way)

(*snicker*)

xXx

Rule 2#: The following shirts are now banned from the Bee hive:

*I survived: an angry Niche (That is an achievement in itself)

*I survived: a clusterf*ck of Gaichuu (Me and Zazie's favourite)

*Choking hazard (with an arrow pointing at the wearer's genitalia)

*I survived: one of Zazie's moods (Mary's idea)

(More to be added when I think of some)

xXx

Rule 3#: Never say the following when fighting either a Gaichuu or a member of Reverse:

(We had so much fun)

*Right now would be the perfect time to panic! (Zazie hit me)

*BLAAAAAHHHHH IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZOOOR!

*QUICK! Let's sacrifice a virgin!

*I call shotgun! (Lag)

*Where's the fire extinguisher?

*Quick! Let's show them the universal sign of hate and anger! *flips the bird*

*Quick! Get the pointy sticks! (Pointy sticks will not kill Gaichuu)

*Are you feeling it now Mr Krabs?

xXx

Rule 4#: No quoting Whose Line

*There's nothing like butt toast and head eggs! (Sylvette did a spit take)

*I love the Village People, they give me confidence. Even though I'm not too bright, I am rather dense. I have a fat, white body, and I don't have a tan. But when I put on leather pants, I am a Macho Man (I was shocked when Connor said this)

*You'll never get passed the little tea pots! (Lloyd loves his tea parties)

xXx

Rule 5#: The song the 'bird is the word' is forever banned from Amberground

(I've never seen Aria's eye twitch that badly)

(Dr. Thunderland was _this _close to smashing his head through a wall)

xXx

Rule 6#: Don't EVER make bets about Lag, his personality, and above all, his crossdressing

(He didn't speak to me for about a week)

(big baby)

(The director still owes me that 2,000 rin)

Rule 7#: Don't egg on Pissaro to juggle grenades or any type of explosive

(I'm no longer allowed explosives without Ebony's consent first)

(Safety first, kids)

xXx

Rule 8#: Don't randomly say in a dark voice 'I need to find a better host body…'

(I cracked up when Lag said that)

(Everyone else was slightly alarmed)

Rule 9#: Never randomly talk to yourself whenever anyone, human or otherwise, is around

(Thunderland will jump an excuse to do a medical exam)

xXx

Rule 10#: Don't ever spike Sylvette's soup with ANYTHING!

(that includes: Coke, Sprite, Nesquik, Energon, High grade or any other sugary drink or powdered drink)

(Me, Lag, Zazie and Connor went insane)

('TRY IT! IT'S MAGICALLY F*CKING DELICIOUS!')

xXx

Rule 11#: Never keep saying 'are we there yet?' Over and over when getting a ride from Connor's rental carriage

(He dumped me and Niche in a desert)

xXx

Rule 12#: Don't play really, really, _really _loud music

(All Letter Bee's were dancing and screaming to the music)

(We _really _pissed off Aria)

('TURN THAT CRAP DOWN!')

('WHAAAAAT?!')

xXx

Rule 13#: Don't accuse random people of having a boner

(It will lead to conversations other people don't want you having)

(It was fun for me though)

(killjoys)

xXx

Rule 14#: No quoting 'Potter Puppet Pals'

(Daily debriefing is sooo much more fun now)

(Everything's better out of context!)

xXx

Rule 15#: Be careful anywhere near stairs

(I manage to trip _up _them)

(Zazie keeps laughing at me)

xXx

Rule 16#: The following movies are now banned:

*Scream 1, 2, 3 & 4 (Lag has major trust issues)

*High school musical (This movie lies)

*The hangover (This actually ended up happening to us)

*Titanic (Zazie hates this movie) (It's so depressing)

*Nemo (Nemo was declared deformed/a mutant due to his fin) (Lag cried through the movie)

*Poltergeist (after that, I made Chrissie go 'They're baaaaaack!') (Zazie and Dr Bolty scream like pussies) (Blackmail material file full)

xXx

Rule 17#: No more 'That's what she said'!

(Now, almost anything can sound dirty)

xXx

Rule 18#: Don't piss off Sylvette

('Nuff said)

xXx

Rule 19#: Don't quote any of Tatyana Witwicky's fic's or anything the characters say

(Results are, insanity will ensue)

*'Whoa! I like the way you said that. BOOM!'

*'He's so boring! He doesn't get mad when I poke him!' (I was trying to annoy Moc) (and failing)

*'NOTHING! I JUST FELT LIKE HOLDING MY EYE AND SCREAMING!'

*'It jiggles!' (Everyone in ear-shot's faces were priceless!)

*'I'm a vegetarian...except for steak! I love steak!' (Niche has a good sense of humour)

*'I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!' (Making fun of Zazie's 'mail bag' is bad)

xXx

Rule 20#: Don't randomly run around the bee-hive screaming 'HOLY SHIT!' over and over again

(I had to take a mentality test)

(yes, they have those in Amberground, apparently)

xXx

**WOOOOOOO!**

**Part one is done!**

**I don't own anything by Tatyana Witwicky.**

**Please let me know what you think!**

**Any suggestions for rules are welcome!**


	2. Rules 20 to 40

**WOOOOO!**

**PART 2!**

**Thanks to all who reviewed! I'm TF3 tonight in 3D! SO EXCITED! :DD**

**I'd like to thank the mysterious Mary for helping me with this!**

**Guidelines to survive in the hive! XD**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 21#: Don't try to speak whale

(The look on everyone's face though was hilarious!)

xXx

Rule 22#: Zazie is probably not gay

(so we don't bring up the 'Little Kitty' incident)

(meaning the one where Lag's wearing a dress and Zazie's acting pretty gosh darn homo)

xXx

Rule 23#: After eating a ton of food, never rub your stomach and exclaim 'It's a boy!'

(Connor!)

(Rachel's face had me on the floor laughing)

Rule 24#: If captured by anyone, it's fine to torment them

(I do it all the time)

You could:

*throw up on them

*Stratch your initials into seats with a pocket knife

*take control of their steering (that was Zazie)

*say 'are we there yet' over and over (Connor's idea)

*Challenge them to a Yu-Gi-Oh! Battle (They didn't get it, but it was pretty funny)

(Lawrence has a special expression of disgust he saves just for when he sees me)

xXx

Rule 25#: Leave Lag's spirit amber eye alone!

(I reeeeeeally wanted to touch it)

('Please Lag?!')

('NO!')

xXx

Rule 26#: Don't scream out 'IT'S ALIVE!' when I'm waking up

(I'm not a morning person)

(Zazie is still stuck in medbay)

xXx

Rule 27#: Don't try to count stars

(Amberground has a LOT more than our world)

(I got to 47, 985, 867 and counting)

(I am so bored)

xXx

Rule 28#: Don't yell out the following whenever someone says something to you

(especially if Aria's nearby)

(this goes with Rule 19)

-No I will not make out with you!

-No I will not have sex with you!

-No I will not go to third base with you!

-That should wait for when we are back in our private quarters.

-*gasp* *slap*

-I can't believe you would talk to me that way!

-Are you finally coming out to me?

xXx

Rule 29#: Don't scream while in the medbay or whenever Dr Thunderland Jr. is around

(He calls it a medical exam)

(I call it rape)

xXx

Rule 30#: No alcohol

(Ahahahaha… Good times)

(Drunk Zazie is EXTREMELY dangerous)

(remember: Drunk people can still fire shindans)

(Just not very accurately)

xXx

Rule 31#: Along with above rule never sing 'Blame it on the alcohol'

(it was just our excuse to drink more)

(Drunk Niche is funny but deadly)

(Lag is just a fun drunk)

('Nuff said)

xXx

Rule 32#: Don't quote Chowder

(Just because A.G has surprisingly good reception, doesn't mean we can show everyone our shows)

* 'I'm not your boyfriend!'

* 'I'm almost not gonna kill you!' (Aria says that a lot)

* 'Pepper spray? That sounds delicious!' (It's not)

* 'Burple nurples!'

* 'Failure tastes like a bad turnip...I don't even like turnips!'

* 'Hey! Come back! I'm not done ignoring you!' (I say that to Seth and Moc a lot)

* 'But waiting hurts my soul!' (I enjoy saying that to the director)

* 'But everyone has a catch phrase!' (Sylvette refused to say, 'Now you know...and knowing is half the battle.')(Kill joy.) (Everyone actually does have a catch phrase…)

* 'I like time travel! I also like kangaroos and circus tents!' (That is fun saying at random intervals.)

*' Chaboodles!'

* 'Men don't cry. They weep!' (Lag was crying during Charlotte's Web)

* 'My inner voice tickles my spleen.' (Don't say that around Raechyll)

* 'Radda, radda, radda.'

xXx

Rule 33#: Don't make bets with Noir to see how many sexual innuendos you can make

(You will lose)

(Miserably)

xXx

Rule 34#: Caramelldansen is no longer allowed at the Bee-Hive

(We managed to get all Bee-Hive staff, Roda, Noir and Niche's sister to do it!)

(It was so much fun)

(But Aria and Caleb have no sense of humour)

xXx

Rule 35#: We are not allowed to bribe people with pointless violence

(It works though)

(Just saying)

xXx

Rule 36#: when cooking ginger bread men or any cookie shaped as a person, never turn to the closest person to you and say 'little people like the fire' and laugh maniacally

(Tatyana Witwicky needs to stay out of my life)

xXx

Rule 37#: Never ask where a human baby comes from

(Zazie, Lag and I are at least 42% sure humans are not meant to work like that)

xXx

Rule 38#: When a guy hits on you and asks what you like, it's not okay to creep them out

(I took Tatyana's advice and said 'I like poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick')

xXx

Rule 39#: Never make fun of your friends Boob size, then proceed to feel each other up, comparing them

(Boobs are serious business)

xXx

Rule 40#: Female members of the Alexanders family do not menstruate

(We're not hormonal)

(You're an asshole)

(Stop asking if we're on our period)

xXx

**Bwahahahahhaa! Part two completed!**

**Do you guys find these funny? Let me know!**

**Review people! Seriously!**


	3. Rules 41 to 50

**PART 3! WAHAHAHAA! I'm on a roll!**

**Btw, TF3 IS THE BEST MOVIE EVERRRRRRRRRR! WOOOOOOOOOO! :D**

**Yes! Thanks to all who enjoy these guidelines! You are all the best!**

**Guidelines to survive in the hive**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 41#: Don't teach the humans foreign languages

(KEVIN! ZAC!)

(They taught some _strange _things to Lag)

(I'm not even going to put them in this)

xXx

Rule 42#: Masturbation is a topic to be avoided

(Seriously….Don't)

(No one wants to know about your 'Happy Time')

xXx

Rule 43#: Don't borrow fire proof gel

(I get all of my best ideas from Tatyana Witwicky!)

(She's awesome!)

(Watching everyone faint at Lag's arm, my hand and Zazie's shoulder on fire)

(Priceless)

xXx

Rule 44#: Never threaten to harm or kill anyone

(Legal shit tends to go down)

(Not worth it)

xXx

Rule 45#: No tazor guns

(Niche thought it was an efficient way to cook Steak)

(Lag tazored Connor)

(I can't feel my tongue)

(Zazie can't say anything with 'L's in it)

xXx

Rule 46#: Tormenting new recruits is banned

(We have way too much fun scaring them)

(About three percent quit after twenty minutes)

xXx

Rule 47#: Don't say the following to Aria

(Along with the right to our info she got the right to ground me)

*It was like that when I got there!

*The leprechaun told me to burn it! (Me and Seth say that one a lot)

*It's that time of month again, isn't it? (Zazie really has a death wish)

*I made some soul cookies! You want one? (I love making soul cookies!) (Lag says they taste really good!)

*SHUT UP AND TOUCH THE MONKEY! (Again with the sugar amounts)

xXx

Rule 48#: Don't inhale helium

(No one will take you seriously)

(So funny with Aria trying to debrief newbies)

(Zazie's voice was high for a week)

(Belle thought Lag hit puberty)

(I laughed)

(He hit me)

xXx

Rule 49#: When a letter Bee enters the room with someone of the opposite sex, don't say the following if you value your life

*How's the sex?

*Operation: lose [insert Bee's name here] virginity is a SUCCESS!

* -Gasp- You're cheating on me? (Lag was so shocked!)

*-Laughs maniacally- (they'll freak out)

(Most of these are such awesome 'that's what she said' moments)

xXx

Rule 50#: Never try to give Niche 'the talk'

(If you think it's usually awkward…)

(Try explaining it to a child of Maka.)

(Niche has joined our 'Humans aren't supposed to do that' Club)

(We're going to get t-shirts)

xXx

**WELLLL! Part three is COMPLETED!**

**Okay, just saying that I don't own **_**anything **_**from **_**any **_**of Tatyana Witwicky's fics.**

**REVIEW PLEASE! I need to know more rules! I'm running dry!**

**-B**


	4. Rules 51 to 60

**AWWWWWLRIGHT!**

**Part 4! Here we go!**

**Bree's Guidelines to Survive in the Hive**

(Like a Boss)

_By Bree Alexanders_

_Part 4_

Rule 51#: We are not allowed to re-enact Ouran High School Host Club

(Aria was not cool with turning the Hive into a host club)

(Lloyd was so down to clown with it though)

xXx

Rule 52#: No quoting Spongebob

(It's the best show)

*Am I a pretty girl? (Lag is a pretty girl)

*Don't geniuses live in lamps?

*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!

*Attention all employees! Just giving you a heads-up. I'll be conducting a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Whoever doesn't pass gets the boot. [Pulls out a boot] This boot to be exact. It's very stinky, and you have to wear it all day.

*Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our moustaches. (The fact that Niche said this makes it better)

*It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. (Reverse's catchphrase)

*All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar

*[bursts into song] I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK!

*You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.

*You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.

*I LOVE BEING PURPLE!

*What's on your mind? I already know the answer! Nothing! See that's funny  
>'cause you're dumb! (I got a time out for that one)<p>

*You're about as ugly as homemade soup (Saying this in front of Sylvette is dangerous)

*Can you smell it? That smell...a kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells...smelly (This is said during dinner at the Suedes' a lot)

*Maybe a story will cheer you up. It's called The Ugly Barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end!

xXx

Rule 53#: We are not allowed to teach Lag how to exploit people by using his crying

(He was so going to be our secret weapon)

xXx

Rule 54#: No joining Reverse just to see what would happen

(This is pretty self-explanatory)

xXx

Rule 55#: No twerking

(Only Noir can pull it off)

xXx

Rule 56#: 'Doing it for the Vine' is not a good enough reason to do something stupid

(We don't even need a reason)

xXx

Rule 57#: Sugar levels must be checked every two weeks

(This is more of a life lesson)

(I'm going crazy from lack of sugar)

xXx

Rule 58#: Waking someone up by pouring Sylvette's soup on them isn't wise

(Connor thought he was in hell)

xXx

Rule 59#: No flirting!

(I started to flirt with Zazie)

(Lag got all macho)

xXx

Rule 60#: Don't try to make Lag jealous

(Hmmm…you know what? I'm not going to bother with a caption.)

xXx

**OKAY! Part…4? Yes? Okay, PART 4 IS COMPLETED! :D**

**I'd like to thank Mary for rule 55! Thanks!**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

**-B**


	5. Rules 61 to 70

**Alrighty, here we are with part 5!**

**Thanks to ALL!**

**ENJOY!**

_**Bree's guidelines to Survive in the Hive**_

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 61#: We are not allowed to give pole-dancing lessons

(I think Connor got a little too excited)

(Lag was pretty hot)

(Not gonna lie)

xXx

Rule 62#: The show Supernatural is a goldmine of helpful tips

(It's a better guidebook than this, honestly)

(Especially in my profession)

(And Lag's paranoia)

xXx

Rule 63#: If you want Niche to shut up, give her food

(Preferably meat)

(Works like a charm)

(Food solves everything)

(Sylvette thinks she should go on a diet)

xXx

Rule 64#: Len Kagamine is the cause of all sexual tension

(No exceptions)

xXx

Rule 65#: Don't try to fight a Gaichuu with a megaphone

(It won't work)

(I've tried)

xXx

Rule 66#: 'The awkward moment when your arm spontaneously mutates.'

(Roda was not amused)

('Bree, shut up.')

xXx

Rule 67#: Do not ever allow Zazie or Lag to look on your computer, on Deviantart or on Fanfiction

(There are yaoi fangirls out there)

(Poor Lag)

(Some pictures are really funny though)

(The current favourite is maid Zazie)

xXx

Rule 68#: We are not allowed to express-deliver letters to ourselves just so we can flirt with Jiggy

(He got suspicious after about the third time that week)

(Julie joined in)

(They're now dating)

xXx

Rule 69#: Be mature

(Now look at the rule number)

(Now break the rule)

(Welcome to the club)

xXx

Rule 70#: Keep Valentines Day appropriate

(We have a game to see who can make the dirtiest or weird valentines card)

(My poem for this year is as follows)

(Roses are Red)

(True love is fair)

(Booty, booty, booty)

(Rock it everywhere)

xXx

**So, there we have it! I hope you guys find these funny!**

**Rule suggestions are welcome!**

**Thanks again to Mary for rule…was it…62? Yes? OK!**

**Review please. People! Seriously! I need Rule Suggestions!**

**-B**


	6. Rules 71 to 85

**OKAY! Part 6!**

**Thanks to all for all your support! :D**

**I don't own Tegami Bachi or Transformers.**

**Now, ON WITH THE SHOW!**

**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 71#: turning 'It's a Small World' song-playing cards into torture  
>devices and place them under co workers desks to see how long it takes them to<br>go screaming mad out of the building is banned

(Yeah)

(It's fun though!)

xXx

Rule 72#: The Director doesn't smoke weed so don't ask him

(Though if he did, it would explain about 90% of his personality)

xXx

Rule 73#: Don't randomly scream 'HOLY CRAP THE SUN IS ON FIRE!' During briefing

(For one thing, they don't really have a sun)

(It wasn't Zazie's best idea…)

(He still isn't off suspension)

xXx

Rule 74#: Don not pretend to have a OCD symmetrical fit where everything has to be symmetrical, including outfits

(It was insanity)

(I didn't expect it would actually happen)

(I was very, very wrong)

xXx

Rule 75#: When you can't find someone, don't scream 'ARIA! [insert name here] pulled a Gauche on us!'

(No one really follows this rule)

(It's too funny)

xXx

Rule 76#: Telling an important government official or Aria that they are the descendant of the Hero of Time (AKA Link) because her last is Link ain't a good idea

(Most of them have no idea what the hell I'm talking about)

(Zazie asked if I was high)

xXx

Rule 77#: Setting fire to a building just do you can flirt with the fire-fighters or roast marshmallows is definitely forbidden

(Aria got so angry at me)

(I got house arrest for two months)

xXx

Rule 78#:

xXx

Rule 79#: Time travel isn't allowed

(So no going back in time, grabbing the Twilight Saga DVD, a TV and some popcorn just coz you want to torture some Bee's)

(Aria really likes this movie)

(*Rolls eyes*)

xXx

Rule 80#: Illegal substances are to be kept OUTSIDE of the Bee-Hive

(I wonder why Aria let's us have them at all…)

(More of us are suspecting that the one smoking weed isn't the director…)

(…BUT ARIA!)

(She isn't)

(I have a scar to prove it)

(Ow.)

xXx

Rule 81#: Don't egg on someone to jump randomly out of a closet with a nerf gun and scream 'IMMAFIRINMYSHINDAAAAN!'

(Tends to happen a lot)

(Scared the crap out of Lag and Niche)

(Steak passed out)

(Zazie got Aria)

(I will only say one thing)

(Empress have mercy on his soul)

xXx

Rule 82#: Don't try to cut off some of Niche's hair

(Oh, poor, poor Connor…)

xXx

Rule 83#: During Halloween please alert Aria or Dr Thunderland if your costume has blood or injuries involved

(Aria nearly passed out from shock when he saw Niche's cut up face)

(Dr Thunderland has never been so excited)

(It was terrifying)

(Rachel is very good at make-up effects)

xXx

Rule 84#: Speaking of Halloween, do NOT dress up as a clown if you value your life

(I nearly blew up Kevin and half of the Hive)

(I told Lag 'Don't sleep, Lag')

('The clowns will eat you…')

(To say he was creeped out would be an understatement)

xXx

Rule 85#: Monkey Hugs, Glomping or tackle hugs are to be kept outside

(That was a lot of property damage)

(Someone broke a rib)

xXx

**I'm going to leave it there.**

**I need Rule suggestions! I'm running out!**

**Thanks to Ignis et Glacies for rules 71 and 73-80**

**Thanks to tessaleigh for rule 72**

**Review please! Let me know what you think!**

**-B**


	7. Rules 86 to 100

**HEEEEEEYYY!**

**Welcome back to Bree's Guidelines Part 7!**

**:D**

**I can't believe I've made it this far! Thank you to ALL!**

_**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**_

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 86#: You must have bacon in your fridge

(Bacon will always be mandatory)

xXx

Rule 87#: We are not allowed to celebrate the Japanese penis festival

(It's a real thing)

(Google it)

(We didn't know whether to be horrified or laugh)

(Lag stayed home that day)

(Zazie got waaaaay too into it)

(He said it was 'as a joke')

(We say it was 'as a homo')

xXx

Rule 88#: Going with the above rule, we are not allowed to build giant penises to worship

(We managed to build it)

(We just didn't know what to do with it when we were done)

(So we carried it around Central)

(Fifteen people screamed and seven cried)

xXx

Rule 89#: The milkshake song is banned from the Hive

(Silly Zazie!)

(The director asked us to leave Aria alone for a few days)

xXx

Rule 90#: Shooting a shindan at the wall just to 'see the pretty colours' is not a good idea

(Again with the sugar levels…)

(Lag did it repeatedly)

(Then he passed out)

xXx

Rule 91#: referring to the corners in Aria's office as 'Emo Corners' has been frowned upon

(I have various emo corners)

(Now, so does Aria!)

(I still haven't got my IPhone back…)

xXx

Rule 92#: Along with that, so has naming the furniture in said office

(I don't like paperwork)

xXx

Rule 93#: Pulling 'No-Killing-People-chops' on Zazie every time he goes near Dr Thunderland ain't a good idea

(But its fun!)

(Just make sure you're a good sprinter beforehand)

(You're gonna need it)

xXx

Rule 94#: Telling Zazie that someone (Particularly Moc) abuses cats is strictly forbidden

(Belle! Zack!)

(Coz you just sent whoever you said to their grave)

(Or at least the medbay)

xXx

Rule 95#: Aria must be notified if you plan on placing trip wires or traps in the Bee-Hive

(Actually, on second thought- Don't tell her)

(Just make sure you have a camera)

(And that you're a good runner)

xXx

Rule 96#: Codenames are not allowed

(Connor was Miss New Booty)

(Noir was Fergalicious)

(Roda was Boss Ass Bitch)

(Lloyd was Dickus Erectus)

(I was the Ultimate Pimpmaster)

xXx

Rule 97#: Sledding down the stair cases is forbidden

(It's not Aria-approved-safe)

(Killjoy)

xXx

Rule 98#: Giving Lag vodka and telling him its water isn't very smart

(As I said before, Lag is just a fun drunk)

(I advise having a camera on hand)

(I honestly don't know how he didn't notice)

xXx

Rule 99#: Don't try to feed Zazie cat food in the Hive or around Aria

(Key words being: Around Aria)

(I didn't say you couldn't do it anywhere else…)

(Heh heh heh…)

xXx

Rule 100#: Give Zazie Catnip. Watch reaction. Get it on tape.

(DO IT!)

(SERIOUSLY!)

(FUNNIEST. THING. EVER.)

xXx

**OKAY! There we go!**

**OH MY PRIMUS! ONE HUNDRED RULES!**

***Confetti explosives* YESH! :D**

**Thank you to all who helped me get this far! *hands out soul cookies***

**I'd like to thank Ignis et Glacies for rules 89-95 and rules 97-100**

**THANKS AGAIN!**

**Review people!**

**-B**


	8. Rules 101 to 110

**WELCOME! To part 7 of Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground! **

**ENJOY!**

_**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**_

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 101#: Don't try to give Connor one of Gus' dog treats when he does something right

(He gets offended)

(But he didn't find out for about a week!)

xXx

Rule 102#: Boku no Pico is banned indefinitely

(This should speak for itself)

(Lag has been nicknamed Pico)

(He can punch surprisingly hard)

(Niche said she was training him)

xXx

Rule 103#: Don't believe everything you read on Fanfiction

(I accidentally opened a closed door at Sylvette's)

(To see Zazie on top of Lag)

(On the floor)

(Took them three weeks to convince me they tripped)

xXx

Rule 104#: Sneaking into the Reverse HQ to place stuffed giraffes in random places is also not allowed

(There's a reason why they don't take the government seriously)

(It's because the government workers don't seem to take anything seriously)

(Noir informed us he has named each individual one)

xXx

Rule 105#: Don't let Largo Lloyd ride a unicycle

(It sounds funny)

(And it looks funny)

(And when he falls off its funny)

(But not when you get his medical bill)

xXx

Rule 106#: Roda will not play fetch

(Slightly disappointing for me)

(Highly irritating for her)

xXx

Rule 107#: Don't egg on Hazel Valentine to lift carriages

(It resulted in more property damage)

xXx

Rule 108#: Wolfjob is to be avoided

(If you don't know what it is, google it)

(I'm not going to be responsible for this)

xXx

Rule 109#: Green is not a creative colour

(We have decided this deserves to be a rule)

(Don't Hug Me I'm Scared is quite informative)

(Lag has slept or spoken in a while)

xXx

Rule 110#: Lag is not as sweet as you think he is

(How has no one else noticed the fact he keeps staring at boobs?!)

(And don't even get me started on the whole underpants deal with Niche)

(He threatened to kill Noir too!)

(Why am I the only observant one?)

**OKAY! I'm going to end it there!**

**This one is one of the shorter ones…but I'm running out of rules people! Help!**

**REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**-B**


	9. Rules 111 to 125

**So…HEY! I'm back! Here we are with part…8? No? 9! Yes! Part 9!**

**:D**

**Thanks to all who helped me out, supported me and reviewed! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! :D**

**Now then, ON WITH THE SHOW!**

**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 111#: Leaving a cryptic note on Aria's desk containing threats is banned

(It doesn't work)

(Aria isn't afraid of us)

(We're afraid of Aria)

xXx

Rule 112#: We are not to call Noir/Gauche 'senpai'

(He was cool with it)

(But Lag got a little _too_ into it)

(Just sayin')

xXx

Rule 113#: Finding and rounding up fifty cows, then processing to lead them into the Bee  
>Hive while screaming 'RUN MY BONIVINE FREINDS! RUN!' is forbidden<p>

(But God damn it's fun)

xXx

Rule 114#: Asking Zazie if he's an it or a girl will be banned. For obvious reasons.

(Yah. Pretty obvious)

(You're gunna get Aotoge'd)

xXx

Rule 115#: No going up to people and saying, "[insert name here], I am your father. And mother. And sister..."

(They really get annoyed)

(One girl took Zazie seriously…)

(Awkward)

xXx

Rule 116#: Covering the ground in oil as well as any surface really has been banned

(I was covered in oil by the end of the day)

(So was almost everyone else in the Hive)

(Jasmine said I looked like a black jelly baby)

xXx

Rule 117#: Having possession of oil is forbidden, unless you have consent from either Aria, Caleb, Ebony or any other important person

(I'd add the Director in there but Aria said not to)

(I think it has something to do with the fact that he supplied us kiddies with the oil…)

(I dunno…)

xXx

Rule 118#: running up to Bees then shoving a glow sick in their face, and screaming, 'It's  
>my Spirit Amber, b*tches!' then running away is forbidden.<p>

(Mine was red)

('Hey! It's like Lag's! It's a Lag stick!')

(Insert face palm here)

xXx

Rule 119#: Breaking said glow stick then screaming, 'It's toxic! It's toxic!' is also  
>forbidden.<p>

(Aria is glaring at me…)

xXx

Rule 120#: 'Shun the non-believer! SHHUUUUNNN!'

(Poor Dr Thunderland)

xXx

Rule 121#: Along with that, shunning people randomly through the day is frowned upon

(Just breathing is now a social suicide)

(Sylvette snapped and threatened me with dismemberment)

xXx

Rule 122#: No setting people's hair on fire. While they sleep.

(This shouldn't even need to be a rule)

(But yet, here it is)

(And Zazie and Connor both have bald spots)

xXx

Rule 123#: No staring at the ceiling for a long period of time to make others look up and then laugh at their faces for being so gullible

(after a while me and Niche got most of the Bees to join in)

(We were all just staring…)

('What are we looking at again?')

('…I don't know')

xXx

Rule 124#: No quoting 'Pocket God'

(This app is the BEST EVER!)

*I've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA! (Zazie)

*I'm the great torpedo of truth! (Niche)

*I'm a Vatican Assassin Warlock! (Seth)

*I'm a total frickin' rock star from Mars! (Me)

*Monkey on my back? Pff, WINNING on my back!

*Eating? It's for trolls! (this won't get you out of Sylvette's soup though)

*-Laugh maniacally- Only normal people need sleep!

*YOU CAN'T HANDLE CHARLIE! (Not sure who Charlie is)

*I have one speed, one gear…GO!

*Dying? Pff. It's for fools!

*I'm bipolar? I'm BI-WINNING! I win here and I win there. Now what?

*OMG! It's FULL ON! Double rainbow all the way across the sky! (Connor asked me what the hell I was on about this time)

*Last time I was here, I was eaten whole by a snake! And then I found myself INSIDE the snake where I was chased by an angry turtle, bees and rubber ducks! They kept asking me to push colored buttons… (Average day at the Hive if you ask me)

(We had so much fun with this app)

(Aria hasn't banned this app)

(And she never will)

(It's the only way she can keep me from doing something stupid)

(I can do it to the little people!)

xXx

Rule 125#:Head-banging is forbidden

(Ebony and others are worried our brains are going to be damaged)

(Not that they aren't already)

**AND…FIN!**

**There we have it folks! Sorry it's so long!**

**And thanks to Ignis et Glacies for rules…111, 113-119 and 121-123. THANK YOU SO MUCH!**

**Okay, stay tuned for part 10!**

**Review!**

**-B**


	10. Rules 126 to 140

**See? I told you there'd be a part 10!**

**:D**

**Thanks to all!**

**Now, ONWARD!**

**Bree's Guidelines for living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 126#: No more wheely office chairs in the Hive

(Me and Lag flew into the wall)

(My nose is still broken)

(Lag's got a nasty bruise)

(I think Connor knocked himself out)

(Niche and Aria not amused)

xXx

Rule 127#: No using the Bee-Hive as a stadium for either a nerf-gun fight or a fake Halo squirt gun fight

(Even though it's the funnest thing EVER!)

xXx

Rule 128#: Don't ever, ever, EVER piss off, irritate, anger, infuriate or annoy Sylvette

(One question: )

(Do you want to die early?)

xXx

Rule 129#: Always make sure your phone or IPhone is set to silent

(I change my ring tone every week)

(It was Caramelldansen at the time)

(Lag was laughing too hard to do anything)

(Noir literally gave up on stealing letters that day)

xXx

Rule 130#: Don't flip off Dr. Thunderland

(Aria says it's a 'respect violation')

(I say he deserves it)

(he better keep those fucking knives away from me)

xXx

Rule 131#: Don't talk to workmates using only lyrics

(Not everyone gets it)

(But sometimes they do)

(And it is magic)

(Every conversation between Aria and Lloyd was made entirely of song lyrics)

(Well, it was all on Lloyd's part though)

(Aria's a mega killjoy)

xXx

Rule 132#: Don't ignore somebody for a long period of time for no reason

(Zazie was stuck with the new Bees all day)

(*snicker*)

xXx

Rule 133#: Never walk around casually with a hack saw or a chainsaw

(Sylvette was creeped out)

(A fake assassination of the Director took place)

(He's a very good actor)

(Aria freaked out)

(Even though we were all laughing our heads off)

(including the Director)

xXx

Rule 134#: Never challenge a Bee to strip poker

(They risk their lives fighting gaichuu)

(They have no problem with shedding a few articles of clothing)

(Turns out you can't be a Bee unless you have NO SHAME WHATSOEVER)

xXx

Rule 135#: Don't attack for cheesecake

(You know what? No, I've already written 'bout this)

(Connor will never learn…)

xXx

Rule 136#: Lag doesn't need therapy

(I am still not convinced)

(He has psychotic tendencies I swear!)

(Zazie is now the Hive therapist)

(It went absolutely terribly)

(I loved it)

xXx

Rule 137#: Never run into a large group of people when they're talking about Reverse and say 'We have a traitor in our mist…' And look around suspiciously

(Niche almost yelled out 'IT'S ME!')

(Lag has a list of possible Reverse members/traitors)

xXx

Rule 138#: Never argue with inanimate objects

(This includes: )

*Shindans

*Shindajuus

*Chairs

*Sylvette's soup

*books

*Video games (No one says 'Game Over' to me!)

*forks

*computers

*toasters

*shoes

(And various others)

xXx

Rule 139#: Don't act like tap water is the best thing in the world

('IT'S LIKE F*CKING MAGIC!')

(Sylvette won't let me drink tap water for a month)

xXX

Rule 140#: No quoting Red v Blue

*Oh. My. God. I can't believe I actually died for this war.

*Okay guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised in our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this HORSESHIT RIGHT NOW! (That got us to shut up)

*I've got half a mind to kill you…and the other half agrees (Like I said, Lag isn't as sweet as you think he is) (I'm starting to get worried)

*I AM NOT A THING! My name is Leonard Church and you will fear my laser face! (Lloyd has the best arguments against Aria)

*HOLY CRAP! WHO'S RUNNING THIS ARMY?! (Lloyd is) (It explains everything)

*A conversation between me and Zazie:

-That was the. Worst. Throw. Ever!

-Not my fault! Someone put a wall in my way!

*You don't need to treat me like that! I'm not crazy, okay? I'm totally, completely sane. Now excuse me, I need to go blow up this dead body. (The fact that Connor uses land mines as a shindanjuu makes it even better)

**And there we have it folks! :D**

**Part…11 (got the number right this time without checking) Will hopefully coming soon. It might take a bit coz I'm sick at the moment *cough cough*. So, sorry 'bout that!**

**REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**-B**


	11. Rules 141 to 160

**HULLO! Okay, Here we are with part 11!**

**This is just too much fun to write!**

**ALLRIGHT! ON WITH THE SHOW~!**

**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 141#: The game Alice: Madness Returns will be confiscated on site

(Zazie's therapy degree in theraping couldn't even convince Aria it wasn't slowly turning us mad)

(It was such a flawless argument too…)

xXx

Rule 142#: Don't touch my stuff!

(Lag nearly lost a hand)

xXx

Rule 143#: Remember: It's TOTALLY normal if me, Lag, Zazie etc. start shouting stuff randomly

*SHITTING MAN WHORE

*I PLEADGE LOYALTY TO THE RASBERRY! (Lag said blueberries were cooler) (I threw my shoe at him)

*YOUR BUG A SPLODE! (Say it calmly with a straight face for extra effect)

*YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BAG! (Zazie is defensive of his manbag)

*YAAAY~! PEAS AND WEINERS FOR EVERYONE! (I yelled this out during lunch) (Lag laughed so hard he started choking) (ironically on a hot dog)

xXx

Rule 144#: When asked to do modifications and/or maintenance on Jiggy Pepper's bike, don't add a rocket launcher, lasers, explosives etc. etc.

(I have once again been confiscated of my weaponry)

(Jiggy though they were cool)

(But Dr Thunderland said no)

xXx

Rule 145#: Don't EVER think you can escape from Sylvette's or Aria's house arrest

(I've tried many, many, many, many times)

(and failed every time)

(My longest record is two hours)

(Sylvette literally dragged us back)

(How the hell does she find me _every freaking time?_)

xXx

Rule 146#: Don't make your shoes into magnets or something that will grip really well to the ceiling or the floor

(Don't duct tape yourself, or anyone else that pisses you off to the ceiling or walls either)

(I was hanging in the doorway of the Directors office for three hours laughing hysterically)

(Lag fainted)

(Zazie just stared)

(Connor left)

(Thunderland tried to figure out how I did it)

(I told him it was magic)

(He flew into a fit of rage)

('THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC I AM A SCIENTIST AND YOU WILL TELL ME HOW YOU ARE HANGING FROM THE CEILING DAMMIT')

xXx

Rule 147#: Niche is not allowed energy drinks

(I have never laughed so hard in my life)

(Lag had to have a couple days off)

xXx

Rule 148#: When someone states 'I can't believe it!' or 'I can't believe that [fill in the blanks]!' Saying something akin to 'I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS NOT BUTTER!' has been banned. Forever.

(Yeah…We have fun.)

xXx

Rule 149#: Staggering into the Bee Hive and clutching your chest which you have conveniently placed ketchup on and acting like you've been shot, then 'dying' is forbidden. So is calmly getting back up and walking away

(I just stared at Zazie)

(He got put on suspension again)

(I think it has something to do with the fact that PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY BE SHOT AND DIE HERE! RIGHT, ZAZIE?!)

xXx

Rule 150#: Don't randomly start eating paper and nodding

(More house arrest for me!)

(Zazie suggested a straightjacket)

(Best therapist ever)

xXx

Rule 151#: Don't ever bring up 'The Faces'

xXx

Rule 152#: When in a Government official meeting discussing Reverse don't say the following:

*The only solution is to stab them

*I enjoy burning the people!

*LET US DESTROY THEM WITH POINTY STICKS (We've been over this…)

*How about we invite them for tea and scones? (I responded with 'AND THEN STAB THEM WITH POINTY STICKS!') (Aria was concerned for our sanity) (she should be)

*Hmmm…The only way we can win this is by raping them and leaving them emotionally scarred. SO! Go out there and be a rapist and DO ME PROUD! (Niche responded with a 'YES MA'AM!') (I'm so proud of her already)

(There's more, I can feel it…)

xXx

Rule 153#: Don't traumatize Lag with any Saw movie

(We tied him to a chair and left him in a dark room watching them all)

(If you listened, you could hear him scream…)

(It didn't help that we dressed up as characters afterward)

(We looked damn good in those outfits)

(But Lag was curled up in a corner, twitching and screaming 'Fuck' for six hours)

xXx

Rule 154#: Don't mock 'The Hangover'

(I have said it before and I will say it again: )

(This actually happened to us)

xXx

Rule 155#: Don't tell anyone that the word 'muffin' is Chinese for 'horseshit'

(Sylvette then said she wanted a muffin for breakfast the next day)

(Lag stared at her horrified)

(I giggled)

xXx

Rule 156#: Don't ever scream 'BOYCRUSH' whenever Lag and Gauche talk to each other

(Yeah.)

xXx

Rule 157#: We are not allowed to re-enact bull fighting

(Cheers to Pisarro for helping us out with that one!)

(We got so much money on bets)

xXx

Rule 158#: Don't let Lag get a tattoo

(At all.)

(of any type)

(Mary put a dragon on his face)

(I hope he didn't do any deliveries to any kids)

(Luckily, that one was temporary)

(Key words being that one)

xXx

Rule 159#: Don't make a 'Lag's cry bucket' that you put 50 rin in every time you see Lag cry and place it at the front of the Bee-Hive

(Lag gave me the silent treatment for three days)

(The bucket is almost full)

xXx

Rule 160#: Three words: 'We're going streaking!'

(Need I say more?)

**Done! It's finally done! WOOOOOOOOOOTTT!**

**Thanks to Ignis et Glacies for rules 148 and 149. THAAAANK YOOOUUU!**

**I need help people! I keep running out of rules! Please send me suggestions!**

**REVIEW!**

**-B**


	12. Rules 161 to 175

**Alriiiiiiiiiiiiight! I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK!**

**Thanks to all who reviewed and stuck around for these guidelines!**

**YOU ARE ALL THE BEST!**

**NOW! ON WITH THE SHOW!**

**Bree's Guidelines to living in Amberground**

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 161#: We are not allowed to recreate the estimate size of our male friends' dicks

(But dear lord it is fun)

('Why is Lag's bigger than Zazie's?')

(*eyebrows*)

xXx

Rule 162#: 'Fuck her right in the pussy' is not an acceptable answer to anything

(We try though)

(Empress knows we try)

xXx

Rule 163#: Don't hum the twilight zone theme song when someone, namely Aria, does something nice or non-violent for you

(I'm sure Aria is a very nice person)

(But we need someone to mock, right?)

xXx

Rule 164#: No more double dog dares

(Zazie had a carriage wheel stuck to his ass)

(Lag is missing an eyebrow)

xXx

Rule 165#: Don't steal Lag's shindanjuu and hide it from him

(The Hive and Sylvette's house both look like a tornado hit them)

(He still hasn't found it)

(I'll give it back eventually)

(Its duct taped to the roof of the Hive)

xXx

Rule 166#: Don't suggest that the Reverse motto should be 'Come to the dark side…we have cookies!' to Lawrence

(Hehehehehe…)

(Most Bees thought that was funny)

(So did Aria)

(Even Noir and Roda did)

xXx

Rule 167#: Don't fill an oil drum with bouncy balls and hide on the roof of the Hive and dump them on people as they enter or leave

(Took four paychecks worth to get all those goddamn bouncy balls)

xXx

Rule 168#: 'But the Director would let me do it!' is not a suitable argument against Aria

(If she says no, she says no)

(She also gets offended)

xXx

Rule 169#: Having a scene phase will probably get you fired

(Real scene kids don't deliver hearts because all hearts are broken)

(It was Lag that made us stop)

(He's very enthusiastic about the kokoros)

xXx

Rule 170#: No making a giant sign and hang it at the front of the Hive saying 'You don't have to be an idiot to work here, we'll train you!'

(The Aria told me to take it down and apologize to Garrad and Valentine)

(she was shocked when they said to keep it up there)

xXx

Rule 171#: When someone, namely Lag or Niche, ask what a boner is, just leave the room

xXx

Rule 172#: When in a Government meeting of any kind, don't fall asleep and snore loudly

(Zazie drooled all over himself)

(Aria pushed me off my chair)

xXx

Rule 173#: Don't go into Zazie's 'Man Cave'

(We are at least 40% sure it's under Lag's bed)

xXx

Rule 174#: There are some things when heard out of context, make you want to call the authorities

(Examples are as follows)

*'Sometimes I just want to serenade his dick with cheesy 80's songs'

*'What kind of self-respecting 20-something year old woman wakes up in a frat house?'

*'I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.'

*'As long as you're somehow patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.'

*'We're doing the same as last year. It's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.' (The same as last year is dressing up as captain America and punching stuff)

*'She was willing to sell her bra to keep herself from going bankrupt' (Monopoly is intense)

*'The amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. This will end awesomely or in a morgue.'

*'All my money is vodka money.' (This is why the Bees have no funding)

*'When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away, you just mask it. With makeup. And boobs. (Therapist Zazie is at it again)

*'I'm invoking the "No Judgments" clause of our relationship'

*'I had a dream where your penis turned into a long-necked dinosaur' (If it didn't start talking like in The Land Before Time, I don't want to hear it)

*'It went from "Haha, this is funny" to "Full blown anime porn fetish' (An apt description of anything we do in life

*'It's not every day you see a hooker getting arrested at noon…' (Just kidding, we live in Amberground)

*'We are magical, pot-smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins' (This needs to be the Hive catchphrase)

(Whoever labelled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw us coming)

xXx

Rule 175#: Don't show anyone, from Amberground 1000 ways to die

(Lag got quite paranoid)

(But not as paranoid as Niche)

(Never as paranoid as Niche)

**So…there! I'm so glad I'm continuing this!**

**Part 11 was going to be the last chapter…**

**ANYWAY! REVIEW PEOPLE! SEND ME RULE SUGGESTIONS!**

**-B**


	13. Rules 176 to 190

**SO! Here we are with MORE rules!**

**YAYY~! I hope you are all enjoying this. ^^**

**Now then! ON WITH THE SHOW!**

_**Bree's Guidelines for living in Amberground**_

_By Bree Alexanders_

Rule 176#: Food colouring is banned. Forever.

(Mary, Connor, Niche, Lag, Me and Zazie were eating soup)

(Not Sylvette's though)

(The food had red food colouring in it)

(We creeped out the new Bees)

('BLOOD! IT KEEPS US FRESH AND YOUNG!')

xXx

Rule 177#: Gay Softball Weekend is not a thing

(But hot damn it should be)

(Major kudos to Noir)

(You guys can guess why)

xXx

Rule 178#: The Boogie Bam Dance song is also banned

(Aria says it's a more tolerable version of caramelldansen)

(No shit, it's by the same people)

(I am so good at that dance!)

(We got all of Honey Waters, a children's orphanage, the entire NEST team, the entire Bee-Hive, Niche, Niche's sister, Gauche, Roda, the ones who can't become spirit, Dr Bolty, Aria, the Director and various others to do it)

xXx

Rule 179#: Shouting 'PREGNANT WOMAN! COMING THROUGH!' is not a good way to get people to move

(The amount of mental breakdowns we had that week was very concerning)

(Therapist Zazie had never been so happy)

xXx

Rule 180#: Street races of any kind are banned from Amberground

(Sylvette won)

(End of story)

xXx

Rule 181#: When in Rent town, don't start singing anything from RENT

(I am always singing 'Without You')

(The town Rent now has a bad reputation)

xXx

Rule 182#: STOP WITH THE 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID'!

(*Miley Cyrus playing in the background*)

xXx

Rule 183#: 'Like a pack of ravenous dildos' is not an appropriate adjective, metaphor or simile

(Reports are quickly filling with colourful vocabulary)

xXx

Rule 184#: Clinging to someone and screaming 'BE MY BABY'S DADDY!' IS forever banned. Like seriously forever.

(Something is seriously wrong with us)

xXx

Rule 185#: Then daring people to do the previous rule (including the guys) is discouraged

(So is making it into a game)

(You get triple points for making the victim faint)

xXx

Rule 186#: Can we PLEASE stop taking bets on how much therapy we'll all need in the future?

(I'm running out of cash!)

xXx

Rule 187#: When asked what the deal is between Lag and Gauche/Noir, the following are not appropriate answers

*He was his gay thing

*Their bromance is so intense, they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other. They eye-make-love.

*I don't know, man, but I know one of them has a sister, so that can only mean one thing.

*Something illegal, I'm sure.

*It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds

*My inner pterodactyl is also confused. (This one isn't relevant, just an excuse to bring up dinosaurs)

xXx

Rule 188#: Singing any songs form 'Potter Puppet Pals' is not allowed at the hive

(The Hive applauded us)

(Dr Thunderland is really good at Snapes voice)

xXx

Rule 189#: The Portal games are banned

(We went on strike for two weeks when this became a rule)

(That game is awesome)

(But we keep trying to re-enact it)

(We've had to rebuild the east wing twice)

(Plus, the town's people don't like property damage)

(We're running out of government funding)

xXx

Rule 190#: Unfortunately, we can't quote Portal either

*Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out. ("That's what she said.") ("Shut your mouth.")

*The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance: the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it. (No more orientation speeches for us)

*The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot talk. In the event that it does talk The Enrichment Centre asks you to ignore its advice. (Aria says this a lot to the Bees) (The Director is now referred to as the Companion Cube)

*There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too. (Zazie was being a prick) (That's all I'm willing to say on the matter) (He shot me)

*That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... nice job breaking it, hero. (Something that is said frequently around here)

*Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true! (Thunderland likes to inform all Bees of this whenever they arrive to his medbay) (He has less patients nowadays)

*The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. (Aria again)

*Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like, "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going to murder you." That was great. (I like to imagine this is a common phrase in Reverse)

* Because despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you've managed to break so far, is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day.

*Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later. (Add this to: Things that need to be hung on a sign as the Hive's motto)

*Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the enrichment centre with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the enrichment centre with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters. (I like saying this around the new Bees)

*When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all... to *me*. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny. (Having to explain to Aria the previous quote after two Bees starting crying)

*Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested. (Thunderland)

*Look: we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the centre of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it. (Zazie to Aria)

*Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test. (We had less Bee tryouts this time around for some reason…)

*Where are we going? Are you coming back? What's that noise? Is that a gun? Do you smell something burning? Ooooohh... what's in heeeere? (Lag, sit your ass back down I swear to god)

(We go on daily cake hunts)

**WOW! Two parts in a day! Not bad! :D**

**I don't own anything. ANYTHING! AT ALL!**

**But I'm looking out for a Lag plushie, so if you see one let me know. :D**

**REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**-B**


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